QBQ, Personal Accountability Founder, John Miller says there are three ways to grate on others, “COMPLAIN! COMPLAIN! COMPLAIN!” You may not realize it but complaining can be a sign of a victim mentality and will not win you friends. In fact, a complaining personality can lose friends and is grating on those you are around.
I have been conducting personal accountability training for over a decade using QBQ (Question Behind the Question) books and workshop videos. I have found that when team members are having problems – whether they work in a restaurant, retail establishment or office – learning how to accept personal responsibility is not only the key to establishing good relationships but excellent customer service.
My workshops on this subject of personal accountability flesh out why a person is prone to complaining, and how complaining as well as placing blame on others point to a victim mentality. “Whoa, you may say. I have legitimate reasons for complaining; you don’t know what I have to put up with. It’s not me, it’s ________________.”
You are partially right. Your reasons for complaining might be legit. But what good does complaining do? It’s a total waste of energy, and usually, the people you are complaining to can’t fix a thing and drains their energy also.
For many people, complaining is a habit. They complain about their job, their boss, their significant other, their kids and their plight in life. Since complaining really doesn’t change anything, what is an alternative? The alternative is to do something that will make a difference
Accept personal responsibility and ask yourself:
“How can I be more positive about this situation?”
“What can I do to find the good?”
“How can I offer a solution to the problem?”
Notice how these are “how” and “what” questions, not “why” and “when” questions.
A “why” question might be: “Why is this happening to me?”
A “when” question might be: “When will my situation change?”
Changing a complaining habit requires learning a new way of thinking and putting it into practice. Next time you start to complain, consider this:
20 Thoughts Accountable People Think:
- Work is good.
- I exist to serve.
- I’m not entitled.
- I am not a victim.
- I reap what I sow.
- I create my stress.
- It’s right to apologize.
- I can only change me.
- Humility is a good thing.
- Complaining fixes nothing.
- My choices got me to where I am.
- The past is done, so I will let stuff go.
- Problems are to be solved, not ignored.
- I own my results, so won’t blame others.
- Boundaries matter—it’s okay to say “no.”
- When confronted, I’ll consider the message.
- I don’t know everything and have plenty to learn.
- My development is not my employer’s job; it’s mine.
- When things go awry, I’ll consider what part I played.
- Since I make mistakes, I won’t judge others when they do.
Not only will these 20 thought-changers stop the energy drain they open up a whole different way of viewing yourself and others. In the process, you will go from a complaining victim to a positive force for change.
About Bruce Mazzare
Bruce Mazzare brings 40 years of experience in management, staff development, and personal accountability training. He is a man of integrity and understands not only the business side but the personnel side of corporations and organizations. Bruce is a coach, business consultant, and workshop leader. He has been a trusted and experienced VAA with Target Training International for decades. For more information about Bruce and his company, Management Development System click here: https://www.assessmentsolutions.com
Or contact Bruce at firstname.lastname@example.org.